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28 August 2011

Game Over


Picking up the controller to his Playstation 2, Jack sat back in his dad’s favourite armchair and watched the television screen flicker into life as he waited for Devil May Cry to load. After loading his saved game Jack flipped the switch on the side of the armchair and smiled as it reclined until the screen was only just visible between his feet. Comfy, a can of Red Bull by his side, the smile vanished from Jack’s face as he concentrated on the opening sequences of the game playing themselves out on the TV screen, trying to remember the mistakes he had made whilst playing into the early hours of the night before.”This time you’re mine Vergil!” Jack promised the game’s big boss hoping the cheats his best friend Jones had given him worked as well as he had been told and the cut scene once he had beaten Virgil was as awesome as his best friend had described.

Engrossed in the game Jack didn’t hear his dad arrive back from work but nowadays that wasn’t a surprise because Dad had long since stopped shouting “hi honey I’m home!” As he opened the front door, ever since Mum had told Dad she didn’t find it funny anymore. In fact Mum didn’t find a lot of what Dad said funny these days but Jack just put it down to Mum and Dad having another of their “rocky” spells as Dad liked to call them.

“Is your mum in?” Dad asked as he entered the living room and threw his work bag onto the little chair by the window. Hearing his Dad, Jack jumped up quickly resetting the recliner as Dad searched the room as he expected to find Mum hiding behind the sofa. Dad didn’t like Jack playing with his reclining armchair but today if he had noticed Dad didn’t say a thing, which in itself Jack thought strange and as he looked up from decapitating a marionette on the television screen he thought his father looked preoccupied.

“I thought I heard you come in,” Mum told Dad as she stormed into the room, “we need to talk!”
Hearing the confrontation in Mum’s voice and being a veteran observer of such encounters Jack re-immersed himself in Dante’s fight for survival.

“You know already?” Dad asked sounding shocked.

“Know what?” Mum asked sounding confused, “has Susie told you already?”

“What’s Susie got to do with anything?”

“You don’t know!” If anything to Jack, Mum sounded disappointed as he heard her pull out a dining room chair. “I think you better sit down.”

Jack could hear the apprehension in Dad’s voice when next he spoke and something in Mum’s demeanour made him share his father’s concern, “what’s going on?”

“Please sit down.”

“I asked what’s going on.”

As his parent’s voices began to rise Jack wished he could climb into the television set and hide away in one of the many dungeons. Even battling demons he thought would be safer than sitting in the middle of the living room when Mum told Dad the news.

“She’s pregnant!”

On the screen Jack finally managed to deliver a killing blow to Vergil but the cut scene was just a collection of blurred images as he burrowed his way into the recliner, waiting for Dad to explode.
“Susie!” Dad screamed and the pain Jack heard in his voice reminded him of Vergil as Dante thrust his sword through his chest. “Get down here now!”

Jack tried to concentrate on the demons dancing on the TV screen in front of him but just as he imagined his Mum and Dad were doing, Jack found himself listening to his sister’s measured steps as she walked slowly towards the living room and in Jack’s mind came an image of a prisoner walking to the gallows.

“Dad,” Jack had expected to hear the fear in Susie’s voice but it still came as something of a shock when he heard it in his sister’s voice and her sniff brought to his mind an image of tears running down his sister’s cheeks. “I’m so sorry!”

Jack didn’t need to turn his head to imagine the scene being played out behind him. He could visualise the emotions playing themselves out across Dad’s face. He knew how much Dad loved his little girl and so the disappointment in Dad’s voice came as no surprise when he next spoke. “Susie, how could you let this happen?”

Jack couldn’t hear Susie’s response and he imagined the muffled sound was because his father was holding his sister close to him.

“Who’s the father?” Dad asked and hearing the anger in his voice Jack pitied the boy whose name was about to be spoken. “You what, how could you not know?”

The venom in Dad’s voice seemed like a poison spreading throughout the room and in a desperate bid to escape its influence Jack began to hammer furiously on is controller as if battling by Dante’s side against the demons and marionettes he would be able to escape from the living room. By the time every last demon had been decapitated, every marionette disembowelled and Jack was finally forced to return to the reality of his family, the air could have been cut with Dante’s blade.

“Who is Uncle Brian?” Dad asked and realising in his absence the conversation had run into even more troubled waters, ones it might not ever survive, Jack searched desperately through the virtual world in front of him in the hope of finding another battle he could race headlong towards where maybe he would be able to immerse himself until the conflict in his living room was over.

Then Jack heard the malice in Susie’s laugh and realised that whatever Demon he found, even if it was Vergil himself would be too little too late. “Uncle Brian’s been visiting Mum for years hasn’t he Mum?”

Uncle Brian had been around for as long as Jack could remember and because he had always been there Jack never thought much about his visits and didn’t think anything strange in Uncle Brian and Mum locking themselves away in his parent’s bedroom. Even the strange request by his Mother never to mention Uncle Brian to their Dad didn’t seem so unusual, Dad had his secrets like the home brew in the shed he had been sworn to secrecy about. It was only when he started big school and he began listening to the older boys in the playground that he realised what was going on but by then he felt like an accomplice and when Uncle Brian bought him Devil May Cry for his birthday Jack told himself what Dad didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.

“What for?” when Dad next spoke all Jack asked himself was Devil May Cry worth it?

Mum’s chair scraped along the wood panelling Dad had laid last summer as Jack heard her plea with his Dad, “Dan it’s not what you think?” Out of the corner of his eye Jack saw the back of his father’s body edging away from his Mum. “I was lonely and you were out at work and Brian was there.”

“I was working to provide for you not that it matters anymore.” in his Dad’s voice Jack heard the emotion returning and could almost feel the tears running down his own cheek. “I worked because you couldn’t or at least you said you couldn’t. You told me you had to stay at home to look after the kids,” Dad laughed but his tone was mirthless. “Now I know what you were doing whilst I was putting food on the table.”

There was a thud and Jack spun around only to feel relief as he saw his Dad’s fist still attached to the wall. Then he saw his Mum and the expression on her face made him quickly turn back to the television set and Dante’s quest but there was just another cut scene being played out in front of him and no matter how hard he tried to fight it, Jack found himself being drawn back into the conflict still raging behind him.

“Daniel please it was a mistake,” he heard his Mum plea.

“Is it over?”

When his Mum didn’t answer Jack heard his Dad stand up and a knot of apprehension started to build up in his stomach followed by a flood of relief as he heard his Dad speak, the emotion once more drained from his voice. “Get out, both of you!”

“Dad” Susie begged.

Mum also tried to plea with her husband “Dan!” But Jack who had heard the finality in his Father’s voice could have told them both there was nothing they could say to rectify the situation.
“Now!” Dad shouted as if trying to add the exclamation mark with his voice alone and as Susie and Mum walked from the living room the door banged shut behind them. Jack noticed with relief Dante had emerged into a chamber filled with foes pleading with him to be killed and so relishing the escape the game provided Jack plunged back into his very own computer generated world.

It was the sound of sobbing that brought Jack back into the real world, a world where life’s problems couldn’t be solved with a gun or a sword and as he turned around to find the source of the crying he was shocked to see Dad sat on the sofa weeping uncontrollably, his head resting in his hands.

Jack placed the controller onto the arm of the recliner and looked at his Dad, the man who for all his years had always seemed so strong now looked so weak, defeated. “Dad are you OK?” He asked but the only response he got was his father raising his head and looking at him. That look made Jack forget all about Devil May Cry as he rushed to console his father.

It seemed like hours he stood there next to the sofa cradling his Dad’s head against his chest, stroking his hair and reassuring him everything would turn out fine. Then, when the tears had stopped Jack looked down in puzzlement at his Dad as he felt him laughing against his chest. 

“What’s so funny?”

Dad looked up at Jack and wiping the tears from his eyes he smiled at his son but Jack noticed the light behind them had been extinguished. “I lost my job today.”

It took a few moments for what Dad had said to sink in but when they did Jack found he was unable to share his Father’s amusement. “What are we going to do?”

Dad looked at him and shrugged his shoulders, “I don’t know but it doesn’t seem important anymore.”

“I could sell my Playstation,” Jack suggested and saw that his attempted sacrifice had brought a little of the old light back to his father’s eyes and he also noticed there was a hint of warmth in his smile as well.

“Don’t you worry about your games,” Dad told him as he ruffled the hair on Jack’s head. “I’ve got a feeling you’re going to need them for a while.”

“Why?”

“I see you disappear into them when me and your mum are arguing,” Jack was about to deny this but his father held up a hand and continued, “don’t worry I’m not mad I just wish I had somewhere to escape to apart from the bottom of a bottle, just remember it’s not the real world in there.”

“I know.”
 
Dad looked over Jack’s shoulder at the TV screen and what he saw made him laugh. “Although sometimes they do come close!”

Jack furrowed his brow wondering what Dad was talking about as he turned and looking at the television screen realised maybe Dad had a point because there on the screen in bright red letters were two words.

GAME OVER!

18 August 2011

Choices


To go or not to go,
To his bed,
That’s her decision.
To say yes to say no,
Doesn’t understand,
His loaded question.
To get high to abstain,
Was her choice,
But not anymore.
Buy the shoes or the drugs,
He found his mum,
Unconscious on the floor.
Pick up the phone put it down,
By herself,
She thinks she can make it.
Kids are gone all alone,
One more hit,
She’s just another statistic.

11 August 2011

Allanah


Laughing as he stumbled up the stairs to the One Four Seven Club Tomas threw himself at the glass doors, thankful that as usual the bouncers were downstairs sharing a joint with some of the club’s regular clientele. After picking himself up off the floor which had risen to meet him as he entered the club he looked around trying to find his bearings, as his eyes adjusted to the smoky dim lit atmosphere. Why had he ended up at the One Four Seven? As he staggered to the bar he knew the answer, he was seeking the solace and solitude only found at the bottom of a glass.

The night had begun like any other Friday night as he, his girlfriend Jane and his best friend Ian had met up with their friends from college to celebrate the end of another week. Yet now barely four hours later he found himself single, alone and cursing his best friend and girlfriend. “How could they do that to me?” He found himself asking himself over and over again.

Finally reaching the bar Tomas threw his money down and snarled at the barman, “double JD. No make it a triple.”

Tomas had chosen the One Four Seven club to drown his sorrows because it was famous for asking no questions and true to their ethos the barman returned a few moments later with the requested medicine. Grabbing the glass Tomas threw half of the burning liquid down his throat before turning to listen to the band playing in the corner of the room.

 A new religion that’ll bring you to your knees. Black velvet if you please!

“I wouldn’t mind having her on her knees,” the barman grinned as he handed Tomas his change. “I’ve always had a thing for those riding chaps. Same again?” He added seeing the empty glass and Tomas nodded.

Drawn back to the singer on the stage Tomas realised the barman had a point, the lead singer although bearing no resemblance to the star she was trying to imitate was beautiful in a way Jane had never been and as she belted out the chorus to Black Velvet he found himself becoming transfixed by her performance. As if sensing Tomas’ eyes upon her, the singer turned her gaze upon him and Tomas almost fell off his stool as she winked in his direction.

Fuelled by Tennessee’s finest, Tomas completely forgotten about his best friend’s betrayal although the pain he felt when he thought about Jane could not be numbed by the bourbon flowing through his veins. In the background he could hear the band finishing their set and when the singer came to stand next to him at the bar he found himself offering to buy her a drink.

For what seemed like an age after his proposal the singer looked him up and down before turning to the barman and in a Scouse accent so different from the Southern drawl he had heard earlier, said “Southern Comfort.”

 “What else?” Tomas commented wryly and was rewarded with a laugh by the singer and a knowing wink from his new best friend the barman before he left them alone to enjoy what was left of the night.

Later that evening in the one of the rooms of the Holiday Inn across from the One Four Seven Club, Tomas propped himself up against the headboard and looked down at the Black Velvet singer lying naked by his side. “I hope you don’t think I’m a bitch,” she told him when she noticed Tomas studying her “but I think it’s time for you to leave.”

 “What?”

“I need to get a decent night’s sleep, we’re travelling to Birmingham tomorrow otherwise I guess we could have done it again.”

Shocked by what he was he was hearing and what it implied Tomas grabbed the bed clothes and clutched them to his chest. “So what was tonight? What was I? Some sort of groupie?”

Black Velvet considered Tomas before replying, an amused smile forming on her lips, “yeah I guess you were.”

Leaving the Holiday Inn Tomas contemplated the night he had never planned for and for a second cursed Black Velvet for using him as she had but slowly a grin began to emerge from the scowl he had worn as he left her room. “So what if I’ve been used,” he told himself. “It wasn’t that bad. I kind of liked it.”

4 August 2011

Cheese & Oatcakes


Taking our time,
Walking on down,
Going to the match my dad and me,
Sitting in the stands,
Looking on down,
Wondering why we support Stoke City.

Climbing the hills,
Walking to Nan’s,
Laughing about what we’ve just seen,
They’re a long time ago,
Those memories,
But they’ll always be a part of me.

Travelling around,
I’ve met some girls,
Seen some things I find hard to believe,
But in my heart,
There’s only one place,
I could ever envisage wanting to be.

My first romance,
A fumbled embrace,
Promising it’ll be better next time,
My first taste of Bass,
Nectar in a glass,
A friend who’ll always be mine,

Hearing the Dogs,
For the first time,
Those bands playing at the Wheatsheaf,
A long time ago,
But still I remember,
With a smile I recall those memories.

What’s past is gone,
Never to return,
All those night and all of my mistakes,
But still we sit,
My dad and me,
Reminiscing over cheese and oatcakes!