Not able to sleep Tomas studied the sleeping girl by his side, trying to work out in his head what had just happened. Thinking back to the previous night and the student union bar he smiled as he remembered the events which had unfolded and in his reverie he never noticed Rachel opening her eyes until she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him tenderly on the cheek. “We shouldn’t be doing this” she whispered in his ear.
“You’re telling me, you’re my girlfriend’s best friend! I always knew you wanted to break us up but I never knew why until last night.”
“No that’s not why” Rachel shook her head vehemently “I never wanted this to happen. I just don’t think that you’re good for Claire. Ever since she met you she’s been changing, she’s even stopped going to church.”
“You can’t blame me for that. Just because I don’t believe there’s some all knowing being up there looking over us doesn’t mean Claire has to believe that too. They’re my beliefs, she can make up her own mind.”
“What about tonight? Will you let her make up her own mind about what we did?”
“What do you think?” Tomas looked into Rachel’s eyes trying to determine what she was thinking. “Are you?”
Rachel shook her head “of course not. Not because of you though I just don’t want to lose a good friend.” Swinging her legs over the side of the bed Rachel picked up her jeans and started to put them on. “I better be going, I’ve got church tomorrow.”
Despite knowing it was wrong Tomas couldn’t help smiling as he watched Rachel getting dressed. “I hope I’m going to be making an appearance in your next confessional.”
Buttoning up her blouse, Rachel looked back at the boy she used to hate for ruining her best friend’s life and sighed as she thought back to the arguments they’d had the night before. “I’ve got to, I might have enjoyed what we did but I still have to ask for forgiveness.”
“And that will make it all right will it? Just because you let some middle aged vicar jack off to your indiscretions everything’s going to be OK between you and him upstairs as long as you do the right amount of Hail Marys?”
“You know that’s not how it works and I have to confess or how else am I to be forgiven?”
“But are you sorry about what we did? Shouldn’t that be the most important thing about forgiveness?” Sitting up Tomas looked at Rachel, “I mean is it forgiveness just to say a few words? Surely you have to mean them as well!” In front of him Rachel continued buttoning up her blouse and feeling angry at the silence Tomas continued. “I know we’re never going to but shouldn’t we be asking forgiveness from Claire? Surely she’s the only one who can grant us absolution.”
“I know she is but are you going to tell her?”
“Of course I’m not but I still feel guilty. I love Claire I really do but I’m not man enough to admit to her my mistakes. Sometimes I wish I could but I’m too scared I’d lose her.”
Rachel never knew why she did it but leant across the bed and kissed him softly on the lips, “you know maybe Claire isn’t the fool I thought she was going out with you.” Tomas pushed forward hoping to rekindle the passion of the previous night but Rachel simply smiled before standing up and walking out of the door.
Rachel and Tomas sinned again and again even after Tomas had broken up with Claire and sometimes Rachel even confessed everything to that middle aged priest yet neither of them ever found out whether they had been forgiven. Tomas thinks he never will.
