Satellite Kid

Sometimes I feel like I am dying inside.

Once upon a time Tomas thought to himself, sitting here used to be like looking down on heaven. Like a mirror reflecting the night sky, the street lights of Stoke laid out before him. And it was a night just like tonight when he’d first met her at a party for someone neither of them knew, in one of the seedy backstreet nightclubs that punctuated Newcastle nightlife. The DJ had disappeared, probably to hang himself in the cloak room and “Smells Like Teen Spirit” was being played, badly by some of their year. He’d found himself dancing, probably the result of one too many snakebite and blacks, Tomas never danced and that’s when he found himself jumping up and down next to the girl with the enigmatic smile.

It’s strange what you remember, major events pass you by yet the most minute detail can stay lodged in your memories for an eternity. Tomas couldn’t remember what they talked about that night but there on Hartshill bank he could still see her in that little red cardigan she always wore and as they walked home arm in arm, stopping to kiss under each and every street light, he could still remember the old blue coat with white and blue stripes in its hood.

You, you’re the best thing in my life, yeah,

Come on, you, oh, won’t you be my wife.

From somewhere back up the hill Tomas heard a car pull up in the car park and he allowed himself a smile as he pictured two young lovers slowly becoming entwined on the back seat of their Ford Escort. Once upon a time that had been him and his Satellite Kid, their nightly assignations here on top of the world and some nights they had even found time to talk.

Finishing off the last dregs from the bottle of vodka by his side Tomas realised it was those chats which he missed the most. How they had talked about their future and argued about his past and how once they had even promised to get married as soon as they had both finished university.

This could be tragic or sad

But that’s the way life is.

“Why did I do it?” Throwing the bottle down the hill Tomas cursed himself. “I’m a fucking idiot.” Wiping the tears which had begun to form at the corners of his eyes he contemplated all which he had thrown away.

If only he could relive one moment, take back a moment of stupidity or simply have been man enough to ignore the advances of a temptress who’d been chasing him all night, if only. Not because he’d lost his Satellite Kid, he’d never realised how much he didn’t deserve her before last night, no. It was the look on her face when she’d caught them together that had broken his heart and only now when all was lost had Tomas truly understood. The Satellite Kid was the love of his life.

When I’m with you a bottle is just fine.

Picking up the second bottle of vodka Tomas let his head fall back against the turf of Hartshill bank, life, his life it seemed was over. True, in the morning he knew it had to continue but it would never be the same. Not now, now that he had lost his Satellite Kid.