Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps

BAR

TOMAS is sat laughing with his friends around a table. TOMAS finishes his drink and looks around the table.

                                                TOMAS

                                    Anyone fancy another?

First two friends shake their heads. Third Friend looks at TOMAS.

                                                THIRD FRIEND

                                    Go on.

TOMAS picks up Third Friend’s pint glass.

                                                TOMAS

                                    Same again?

Third Friend nods his head. TOMAS carrying two pint glasses walks to the bar. At the bar TOMAS places the pint glasses on the bar. TOMAS looks down the bar and sees that there is one customer being served and one waiting. TOMAS watches as Customer 1 is served and barmaid asks what Customer 2 wants. Barmaid serves Customer 2 and then looks down the bar at TOMAS.

                                                TOMAS

Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps please!

Barmaid ignores TOMAS and turns and walks into the kitchen. TOMAS looks bemused. Barmaid 2 walks up from the cellar and TOMAS leans over the bar,

                                                TOMAS

Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps please!

Barmaid 2 ignores TOMAS. Barmaid leaves kitchen and seeing Barmaid 2 comes over and starts to talk to her. TOMAS tries to catch their attention and then when this doesn’t work.

                                                TOMAS

                                    Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps!

Customer walks to the bar and Barmaid 2 walks over to him.

                                                BARMAID 2

                                    Yes love!

TOMAS is incredulous and when Barmaid looks at TOMAS

                                                TOMAS

                                    Hey what about me?

Barmaid smiles at TOMAS and then taking a packet of cigarettes out of her pocket:

                                                BARMAID

                                    Sorry I’m on a break.

Barmaid walks to the end of the bar and lights up her cigarette. TOMAS loses his temper and looking around sees the jukebox. TOMAS takes out a coin from his pocket and looking through the tunes on selection puts the coin in the jukebox and makes his selection. TOMAS walks to the bar and leaning over the bar turns the volume up to maximum. Barmaid 2 sees this and walks over to TOMAS.

                                                BARMAID 2

                                    Hey what you doing?

TOMAS points at the speaker on the bar and “Two Pints Of Lager and a Packet Of Crisps by Splogenessabounds” starts to play. Barmaid 2 looks at TOMAS blankly and then turns and walks towards Barmaid. TOMAS walks around the bar and standing next to Barmaid and Barmaid 2 rips the speaker off the wall places it on the bar. TOMAS starts to shout along with the song. Once the song has finished Barmaid looks at TOMAS as she stubs out her cigarette.

                                                BARMAID

                                    So who’s next?

TOMAS looks at Barmaid and then bangs his head against the bar.

THE END